The birth of Jesus has been well chronicled, as have his glorious teachings, acts, and divine sacrifice after his thirtieth birthday. But no one knows about the early life of the Son of God, the missing years -- except Biff.Ever since the day when ...
when he came upon six-year-old Joshua of Nazareth resurrecting lizards in the village square, Levi bar Alphaeus, called "Biff,"had the distinction of being the Messiah's best bud. That's why the angel Raziel has resurrected Biff from the dust of Jerusalem and brought him to America to write a new gospel, one that tells the real, untold story. Meanwhile, Raziel will order pizza, watch the WWF on TV, and aspire to become Spider-Man.Verily, the story Biff has to tell is a miraculous one, filled with remarkable journeys, magic, healings, kung-fu, corpse reanimations, demons, and hot babes -- whose considerable charms fall to Biff to sample, since Josh is forbidden the pleasures of the flesh. (There are worse things than having a best friend who is chaste and a chick magnet!) And, of course, there is danger at every turn, since a young man struggling to understand his godhood, who is incapable of violence or telling anything less than the truth, is certain to piss some people off. Luckily Biff is a whiz at lying and cheating -- which helps get his divine pal and him out of more than one jam. And while Josh's great deeds and mission of peace will ultimately change the world, Biff is no slouch himself, blessing humanity with enduring contributions of his own, like sarcasm and café latte. Even the considerable wiles and devotion of the Savior's pal may not be enough to divert Joshua from his tragic destiny. But there's no one who loves Josh more -- except maybe "Maggie," Mary of Magdala -- and Biff isn't about to let his extraordinary pal suffer and ascend without a fight.Lamb is the crowning achievement of Christopher Moore's storied career: fresh, wild, audacious, divinely hilarious, yet heartfelt, poignant, and alive, with a surprising reverence. Let there be rejoicing unto the world! Christopher Moore is come -- to bring truth, light, and big yuks to fans old and new with the Greatest Story Never Told!
Perché leggere Il Vangelo secondo Biff di Christopher Moore? Perché vi renderete conto che anni e anni di catechismo sono comunque serviti a qualcosa. E a cosa? A comprendere questa immensa opera che con ironia e tantissima intelligenza vi regalaPerché leggere Il Vangelo secondo Biff di Christopher Moore? Perché vi renderete conto che anni e anni di catechismo sono comunque serviti a qualcosa. E a cosa? A comprendere questa immensa opera che con ironia e tantissima intelligenza vi regala sprazzi di assoluto divertimento uniti a quella sottile linea di riflessione che vi lascerà stupiti e decisamente senza parole.
A tratti molto divertente, a tratti geniale, a tratti sarcastico, a tratti un po' noioso, a tratti fin troppo fantasioso e inverosimile, perfino considerando che si parla di uno che dovrebbe essere risorto...
Biff: "Josh are you sure it doesn't bother you talking about this stuff when you will never be allowed to do it?"
Josh: "No it's interesting. It doesn’t bother you when I talk about heaven does it?"
Biff: "Should it?"
Josh: "Look! A Seagull!"
“We can’t go home,” Joshua said at last. “I don’t know enough yet.”“No,” said Gaspar, “I suspect that you don’t. But you know all that you will learn here. If you come to a river and find a boat at the edge, you will use that“We can’t go home,” Joshua said at last. “I don’t know enough yet.”
“No,” said Gaspar, “I suspect that you don’t. But you know all that you will learn here. If you come to a river and find a boat at the edge, you will use that boat to cross and it will serve you well, but once across the river, do you put the boat on your shoulders and carry it with you on the rest of your journey?”
“How big is the boat?” I asked.
“What color is the boat?” asked Joshua.
“How far is the rest of the journey?” I queried.
“Is Biff there to carry the oars, or do I have to carry everything?” asked Josh.
“No!” screamed Gaspar. “No, you don’t take the boat along on the journey. It has been useful but now it is simply a burden. It’s a parable, you cretins!”...Continua Nascondi
Balthasar's concubines were eight in number and their names were:Tiny Feet of the Divine Dance of Joyous Orgasm,Beautiful Gate of Heavenly Moisture Number Six,Temptress of the Golden Light of the Harvest Moon,Delicate Personage of Two Fu DogsBalthasar's concubines were eight in number and their names were:
Tiny Feet of the Divine Dance of Joyous Orgasm, Beautiful Gate of Heavenly Moisture Number Six, Temptress of the Golden Light of the Harvest Moon, Delicate Personage of Two Fu Dogs Wrestling Under a Blanket, Feminine Keeper of the Three Tunnels of Excessive Friendliness, Silken Pillows of the Heavenly Softness of Clouds, Pea Pods in Duck Sauce with Crispy Noodle, and Sue.
And I found myself wondering, as a man does, about origins and motivations and such - as each of the concubines was more beautiful than the last, regardless of what order you put them in, which was weird - so after several weeks passed, and I could no longer stand the curiosity scratching at my brain like a cat in a basket, I waited until one of the rare occasions when I was alone with Balthasar, and I asked.
Early on I developed a little-boy love for Joshua's mother that sent me into fantasies of marriage and family and future."Your father is old, huh, Josh?""Not too old.""When he dies, will your mother marry his brother?""My father has no brothers.Early on I developed a little-boy love for Joshua's mother that sent me into fantasies of marriage and family and future.
"Your father is old, huh, Josh?"
"Not too old."
"When he dies, will your mother marry his brother?"
"My father has no brothers. Why?"
"No reason. What would you think if your father was shorter than you?"
"But when your father dies, your mother could marry someone shorter than you, and he would be your father. You would have to do what he says."
"My father will never die. He is eternal."
"So you say. But I think that when I'm a man, and your father dies, I will take your mother as my wife."
Joshua made a face now as if he had bitten into an unripe fig. "Don't say that, Biff."
"I don't mind that she's mad. I like her blue cloak. And her smile. I'll be a good father, I'll teach you how to be a stonemason, and I'll only beat you when you are a snot."
"I would rather play with lepers than listen to this." Joshua began to walk away.
"Wait. Be nice to your father Joshua bar Biff" -- my own father used my full name like this when be was trying to make a point -- "Is it not the word of Moses that you must honor me?"
Litle Joshua spun on his heel. "My name is not Joshua bar Biff, and it is not Joshua bar Joseph either. It's Joshua bar Jehovah!"
I looked around, hoping that no one had heard him. I didn't want my only son (I planned to sell Judah and James into slavery) to be stoned to death for uttering the name of God in vain. "Don't say that again, Josh. I won't marry your mother."
"No, you won't."
"I forgive you."
"She will make an excellent concubine."
Don't let anyone tell you that the Prince of Peace never struck anyone. In those early days, before he had become who he would be, Joshua smote me in the nose more than once. That was the first time. ...Continua Nascondi
If you have come to these pages for laughter, may you find it.If you are here to be offended, may your ire rise and your blood boil.If you seek an adventure, may this song sing you away to blissful escape.If you need to test or confirm your beliefs,If you have come to these pages for laughter, may you find it. If you are here to be offended, may your ire rise and your blood boil. If you seek an adventure, may this song sing you away to blissful escape. If you need to test or confirm your beliefs, may you reach comfortable conclusions. All books reveal perfection, by what they are or what they are not. May you find that which you seek, in these pages or outside them. May you find perfection, and know it by name....Continua Nascondi