The Alphabet of Manliness

From the publisher:

This is the only sentence in the entire book that will give you a chance to adjust your face; take your time, because it’s about to be rocked off—permanently.

Finally, a book that guarantees your balls will be stomped; a book so manly that it will make even the burliest of men (and in some cases, the burliest of women) feel inadequate. So manly, it needs to be shaved: The Alphabet of Manliness. This collection of sacred writings may very well be the greatest compilation of all things manly throughout history. Here’s a small sample of the ass-kickery found within these revered pages of outright manliness:

People getting drop-kicked in the face

Phallic aggression

Violence in excess of what has come to be known as excessive

Garish disregard for the well-being of children

Contempt for animals, women, and other cultures

Intimidating rhetoric

Obscure penile references

The triumph of flannel over good taste

This book is only for the saltiest, hairiest, most rugged son of a bitch out there. However, it would be selfish to keep it for myself, so feel free to buy a copy. This humble tome of wisdom is a tribute to all men who toil away at work every day, getting their balls busted, or busting balls.

If you can’t handle the punch to the colon I’m about to deliver to you, look on the bright side: you’ll save a fortune on Halloween when kids come to your door to pick apart your candy ass. On the other hand, if you feel comfortable with the risk of having your ass neatly packaged and handed to you with all the trimmings, cut the foreplay and crack the book open already.