This poignant and thought-provoking book shows how narcissistic parents form and deform the lives of their children. The Drama of the Gifted Child is the first step toward helping readers reclaim their lives by discovering their own needs and their own truth....Continua
If his partent is, however, manipulative or even abusive, the infant will learn to "be good" in order to survive. The infant does not dare to be disobedient since if the parent leave him, it means death. They then bend themsleves into whatever the parent want and hide his true self, even from himself.
When the child grows up, what's hidden is costing him depression, gradiosity, or inviting the same painful experience repeatedly.
In order to heal, the person needs to really face, see and feel as what exactly it was in the childhood. I mean, not just some intellectual understandings, but really to relive it again. After truly recognizing what happened, it is followed by shocks and unbelieve, and then a period of proper mourning... mourning of the love they never gotten in childhood, mourning of the lost time and experince, mourning of the little, helpless child inside.
After facing the truth and mourning, the true healing begins.
It is very important to point out that the abusive parents were themselves abused when they were children. They will use the weakest person (ie. their children, or for psychiatrist, their patient) to take revenge, either consciously or unconsciously, or both. This start another round of viscious circle that keeps rolling and rolling and rolling....
To break this viscious circle repeated for many generations, we have to break this circle starting from oneself.
A quote from the book:
It is one of the turning points in therapy when the patient comes to the emotional insight that all the love she has captured with so much effort and self-denial was not meant for her as she really was, that the admiration for her beauty and achievements was aimed at this beauty and these achievements, and not at the child herself. In therapy, this small and lonely child that is hidden behind her achievements wakes up and ask: “What would have happened if I had appeared before you, sad, needy, angry, furious? Where would your love have been then? And I was all these things as well. Does this mean that it was not really me you loved, but only what I pretended to be? The well-behaved, reliable, empathic, understanding, and convenient child, who in fact was never a child at all? What became of my childhood? Have I not been cheated out of it? I can never return to it. I can never make up for it. From the beginning I have been a little adult.”