Most difficult conversations are the compounds of
1) we believe we know the truth so we are right
2) we guess the intention of the other parties
3) the other party is to be blamed
4) suppress our feelings in professional communication
5) Identity: who we are and how we see ourselves.
This book helps us to address these misconceptions and find a way out
1) understand their stories. This does not mean you have to agree. In addition, being right is not the purpose of any conversation.
2) good intention may also hurt. Disentangle impact and intent
3) analyze what contributes to the mess. All parties nevertheless have their own contribution. Common neglects include avoiding, unapproachable, intersection and problematic role assumptions
4) use "i feel" rather than accusing, judging or attributing. Feeling usually comes in a bundle. Anger is not only anger but with frustration. Joy includes happy and content. Don't evaluate, just share.
5) Identity: am I competent? am I a good person? am I worthy of love? become aware of your identity helps to explain your feelings.
6) be a listener, esp attentive to the aforementioned topics
7) remember you can't change people
8) present the issue as a Third Story, addressing the concerns of both parties without taking an stances. Just like a mediator.
Surprisingly, the discussions on Feeling and Identity are only good reading for our spiritual advancement!...Continua