If you were a Bush voter, Al wants to set aside partisan bitterness and talk about the better future Americans can build together for their children, grandchildren, and great- grandchildren. (Generations beyond that will have to fend for themselves.) But first, Al must show you how Republican leaders are, at this very moment, betraying your trust and quite possibly lighting a Cuban cigar with a burning American flag or Bible.
If you're a liberal, this book is for you as well. Maybe even most of all. In these pages, you will find evidence for what you already believe: that Al Franken is among America's finest prose stylists, and that the depravity of the Bush administration is only outmatched by the rot in the heart of the Republican Congress.
And finally, if you are a member of a future generation who has found this book in a pile of radioactive rubble, Al apologizes. Not because he didn't do his best to control the proliferation of nuclear weapons from rogue nations to non-state actors taking refuge in so-called "failed" states. But because his countrymen evidently failed to listen.
In any case, enjoy the book.
"I present THE TRUTH not just to shock you, not just to make you laugh and cry alternatingly, or maybe even at the same time, not just to set the record straightbut to rouse you, to prepare you for battles ahead. The only vaccine powerful enough to inoculate you from lies is the truth. This book is both sword and shield. With jokes."
AL FRANKEN ON
They told us that when we invaded, we'd be greeted with sweets and flowers. They left out the crucial modifier: "exploding."
George W. Bush wants to amend our Constitution to make it illegal for gays to marry. But evidently, he has no problem with terrorists getting married. America can't afford a president who is soft on terrorist marriage. Because unlike gays, terrorists can breed.
BILL FRIST DIAGNOSING TERRI SCHIAVO FROM 800 MILES AWAY
The FristCam Act of 2005 would place a video camera in every one of America's Intensive Care Units. The FristCams would pan the ICUs, and the Senate Majority Leader would give each patient a thumbs-up or a thumbs-down.
BUSH'S 9/11 BAIT AND SWITCH
Bin Laden must have been furious. Here he had gone to all this trouble to murder thousands of Americans, and SaddamSaddam, the infidel!was getting all the credit! Who was the head of al Qaeda?! Who was funding al Qaeda?! Somewhere along the Afghanistan-Pakistan border there was a very angry terrorist mastermind.
From what I understand, if you cut out all the passages in the Bible where Jesus talks about the poor, about helping out the least among us, you'd have the perfect container to smuggle Rush Limbaugh's drugs in.
THE SOCIAL SECURITY "CRISIS"
The number Bush kept using, $11 trillion, represented the total shortfall from now until the year Infinity. If you think about it, $11 trillion over Infinity years is nothing. Over the first 11 trillion years, that's just one dollar a year. Easy. After that, it's over. You're done. What, exactly, is the problem?